How to overcome infidelity in Marriage
If you have ever been cheated on then you know how challenging it is to overcome infidelity. Things just never go back to how they were for quite a long time. First, you have to deal with the pain of being betrayed, lied to and broken promises and vows. You are left wondering what it is that you failed to do that pushed your spouse into the arms of another man or woman.
Like Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage says, “Infidelity leaves people questioning their sanity, as well as everything they believe to be true about their spouse, and about the viability of their marriage. You suddenly feel as though your whole marriage was a scam from the onset.
Being cheated on comes with a roller-coaster of emotions and a myriad of mixed thoughts. You don’t know if forgiving is the best decision or walking out. It is harder where kids are involved as you have to make decisions with them in mind.
There is no time and place for cheating; at least if they were we would cushion ourselves. Statistics on infidelity reveal that cheating can occur at any point in your relationship. From newlywed to seemingly long-term solid marriages. However, it is noted that most affairs happen around two years into the marriage.
More Infidelity Statistics
- In over 30% of marriages, one or both partners admit to being unfaithful whether emotionally or physically.
- 22% of men say that they’ve cheated while 14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other.
- 350% of cheaters are more likely to cheat again.
- 10% of these affairs begin online while 40% of those online affairs proceed to offline affairs
These statistics on are shockingly high which makes almost everyone a victim in waiting.
For those who are experiencing this right now, follow these tips on how to overcome infidelity in your marriages
The cheating spouse has to own up his mistakes and genuinely apologize
Be remorseful and be willing to emotionally support your spouse in overcoming the pain. If your spouse demand answers and an account of your cheating escapades, be open and honest and let them know everything. Do not lie to protect their feelings, they are already feeling worse so it can’t get any worse. Let them know why you did it so that the two of you can work out on the root cause to avoid any future incidences.
It is hard as the cheated on partner to deal with everything alone. The pain, the guilt, the anger is all too much for one person to bear. Share in the pain and help each other get through the pain. Comfort your spouse and reassure them of your love and commitment.
Accept, forgive and move on
Don’t blame yourself for your partner’s irresponsible behavior. There is nothing like you pushed me to cheat, cheating is a personal choice. It’s not easy to accept that your partner betrayed you and it takes days to even process the reality. But you got to accept that it has happened so that you can start working towards the healing and recovery process.
I know forgiveness is a long shot but whether you decide to stay or walk out, forgiveness is important to you. It will help you heal faster.
Talk about what to expect in the future
Talk about what to expect in the future should you decide to work things through. Be open about what might lead to such an occurrence. Express your feelings openly. Discuss on the way forward, what the two of you need to work on such as trust and the emotional connection. How best to salvage your relationship and make it even stronger. Surprisingly most marriages come out stronger and happier after overcoming infidelity.
There are relationships that cannot just bear the weight of infidelity, even the happiest strong relationships that seemed to be able to weather anything. When you get to that point where you are constantly fighting, having anger and serious trust issues, then it is safe to end the relationship because you will just be hurting each other more. Should you choose to walk out, you will still need to talk through the incident and the emotions involved so that you can part ways amicably. I know, however, that it does not seem possible at first.
seek marital counseling
Once things have settled and a sober conversation is possible, seek marital counseling if the two of you want a 3rd party assistance. But for this to work, you both must have agreed to it and are willing to see it through and invest time. You must be open to counseling.
Start all over again
A fresh start is what your marriage needs after infidelity. Once you both have figured out what was the cause and discussed on the way forward, choose to forgive, forget and start on a clean slate. Let go off the past mistakes and focus on the new marriage. Recommit yourself to your partner and cut off anything that links you to the affair. Slowly build your trust and help your partner to heal at their own pace.
Affair-proof your marriage going forward
Affair-proof your marriage going forward. Now that you both know that your marriage is prone to infidelity, discuss the possible ways that each of you can implement to resist the temptation of cheating. The phrase, once a cheat always a cheat is real. It is reported that a cheating partner has a 350% chance of cheating again. So cushion yourself and your marriage from a repeat.
We might know what the future will bring but we can only pray that there won’t be any other episode of cheating.
Cheating is almost never about the sex but lack of intimacy and unmet needs so invest in good quality time with each other. Work towards a deeper intimacy level with your spouse, communicate your feelings and desires and allow the both of you to be vulnerable to each other. There is hope even after infidelity.