How to affair-proof your marriage
Ever been cheated on by your lover? The pain can be compared to none other. For some, it takes years to get over the pain and the trauma.
Infidelity is among the top cause for divorce and relationship breakups. It is estimated that over 40% of married couples are affected by infidelity. And both men and women cheat in marriage even though men are said to be more unfaithful than their counterparts.
Most marriages don’t survive infidelity and if they do they hardly ever get back to how they were. Trust is like glass, once broken it can never be mended.
Why do married couples cheat?
- For some, it is their personality or their characteristics. Most cheat because of ego and esteem issues
- Because an opportunity has presented itself. Say you live in different towns and you meet a man and because you figure your partner is far away and they can’t find out you, you go ahead and cheat
- Because of marital frustrations including emotional and sexual dissatisfaction.
Even with the above, there is no concrete reason to cheat and this includes emotional cheating which is far much worse. I find that women tend to engage in emotional teaching more than men.
Infidelity causes families to break, breaks the trust and leaves a very troubled marriage and spouse. The consequences are so dire that I would rather we approach it from a preventive angle.
So as a married couple how then can you affair-proof your marriage however much cheating is a personal decision which I think is a selfish choice to make.
Sexual and emotional satisfaction
Have lots of sex. A sexually satisfied spouse will hardly look the other way. Spice up your sexual life. Learn what turns on your partner and don’t shy off from trying new exciting things.
Surprisingly women are more sexually dissatisfied; going by the number of complaints I have heard. This is because to women sex is more an emotional act first and thus if you have sex with a woman without an emotional connection then they still end up feeling a void whereas for men sex is more physical. In short, men and women perceive sex differently.
The best way to deal with this gender difference is to have an openly candid conversation about your sexual needs and how to meet each other’s needs.
Avoid using sex as a reward and punishment tool and use it as a way for the two of you to intimately connect
I believe the reason why marriages break is because of lack of honest communication. It’s not just communication, but being honest in your communication. Lay bare your feelings, thoughts and opinions. Let your partner know what is on your mind even if it is a fantasy about a person. Having fantasies about other people is very normal and so long as it is not acted upon, there is no harm.
Make it a tradition to hold ‘marriage meeting’ and discuss the different aspects of your marriage, discuss what is not working as well as applaud each other for what is working great in your marriage.
Share with your partner how you would like to be treated, stop expecting your spouse to read your mind. If you like to be cuddled before you sleep, say it. Even the bible says, ask and you shall be given.
Bring back the spark
Every marriage goes through a season of dullness especially where kids are involved. We tend to be so wrapped up in our daily commitments that we stop focusing on our marriage. Make a conscious effort to spice up your marriage and your sex life. If you feel that your marriage is boring go back to what used to bring the excitement. Go for random dates, who said dating should stop once you get married. Be spontaneous in your activities, bring back the pillow talks, do everything you can to bring back the spark.
I believe every human being can only behave within certain laws and boundaries in place.
From the start of your marriage, establish boundaries that each of you must observe especially when it comes to opposite sex and exes.
Boundaries help us to know how far we can go and what we can and cannot do. For example, if you go out, should you dance with people of the opposite sex, can you meet and talk to your exes or up to what time can one go out alone. Such things should be made very clear.
Each of you should avoid putting yourselves in situations that can easily spin into something else. Always meet in public and in groups. Avoid having personal conversations and especially about your relationship to other people. Ranting about your wife to another woman is not only disrespectful but it can quickly lead to emotional cheating. You might just be genuinely sharing your problems but the other woman might just take advantage of that.
Avoid friends, who do not hold the same moral compass with you, peer pressure is real. They will tempt you to indulge in affairs and you will bear the consequences by yourself. I know of many friends who ended up with sidekicks only because they wanted to fit In with their friends who had sidekicks yet they are married
And cheating does not have to be just about sex. If you find yourself being all secretive about your whereabouts and who you were with then you are cheating. If you find yourself being more comfortable pouring your heart out to another woman or man than you do with your spouse then you are cheating,
The ultimate secret to affair proof your marriage is to make your marriage your top most priority. Happy marriages don’t just miraculously happen; a lot of effort goes into it. You have to be intentional to make it work and to keep your partner happy and satisfied. However, we can only do so much; every spouse has a responsibility to choose to work through their issues than to have an affair as it only makes things worse.
Daisy Chepkoech is a Freelance Blog Writer, Social Media Manager and Trainer. She is also the Marketing Director at Dake Business Solutions. Daisy holds a Bachelor’s degree in Communication and Media Technology from Maseno University.