How to move on from a bad relationship
Ever been in a relationship that sucks the life out of you that you are left feeling so drained you have no more strength to move past an inch anymore. That is what is referred as a toxic relationship.
Signs that you are in a bad unhealthy relationship include feeling emotionally exhausted, being physically abused and constant fights. In every relationship, there will be arguments and fights here and there but when all you do is fight then there is a problem.
The first step to moving on from a bad relationship is to realize that you are in a wrong place. Realize that it’s more harmful for you to continue staying than it is for you to move on. Knowing your worth and being confident in walking out. I know people who have been in violent relationships and have died as a result, others have been driven to bankruptcy while others have ended up in mental institutions. Yeah, that is how worse it can get so the earlier the better.
It is very okay to grieve the loss of a relationship. Cry yourself to sleep if you must, listen to that heartbreak song and cry until your head hurts and your eyes are sore and red. It’s the best way to release the hurt. It is okay to feel devastated, broken and dead inside just don’t take very long in this state.
Dust yourself up
Every one falls every so often in life but what matters is how fast you wake up, dust yourself up, gather your broken pieces and start the journey to healing and recovery. It may sound easier said than done, I get it, but we have all been there and we are now at a better place. Times is indeed a good healer and so give yourself time to grieve your loss and then move on.
Shift your focus to personal growth
All bad relationships have a tendency of occupying all the space in our lives. We tend to shift all our focus and energy in trying to salvage it such that when it ends you are left with no energy and no focus at all. Shift the focus to you now, work on rebuilding yourself. Learn from the mistakes you made and make yourself a better person. After all what doesn’t kill you only makes you a better person.
Read books on personal growth, watch webinars, vlogs, I mean there are lots of resources to help you.
Forgive yourself and forgive your ex
Forgiveness frees your heart from anger and bitterness and regrets. So forgive your ex for hurting you and for everything else that he may have done to you. Let go off all the hatred you have for them. Also forgive yourself for being naïve, for sticking in the relationship longer than you should have and for putting yourself in that position.
Occupy your time
Now with your ex gone you will find yourself so idle since your time and days were always spent with them. Replace those times with activities to keep you busy. Don’t allow yourself to be idle minded as thoughts of your ended relationship will occupy your mind leaving you sad and stressed and chances of you running back to your ex’s arms are high.
Meet with friends, go on dates again, read books, start a new hobby or go back to the activities that you used to love and do before your ex happened.
Build your confidence
Your confidence right now is at its lowest, that is what bad relationships do. You probably feel so worthless and unwanted. This is the time to rebuild your confidence and bring back that bubbly, cheerful and happy self. Look within you and find that which lifts your confidence. For me it’s a new wardrobe and new hairstyle.
Loving yourself means putting yourself before anything else, and caring about your own wellbeing. Take care of your health, stop trying to win people’s approvals, stay away from negativity and people who want to bring you down, believe in yourself and your abilities, appreciate yourself and show gratitude for who you are and what you are. Loving yourself might seem selfish at first because we have been conditioned to love others first and put their needs first but it is only through self-love that we realize self-worth.
Often times, a bad relationship will leave you so badly scarred that it seems impossible to be loved again. Love yourself so that the next person who comes to your life will learn how to love you from the way you love yourself. In short teach people to love you from the way you love yourself.
More ways to move on fast
- Delete your ex’s contacts; phone number, email, Skype and every way that will tempt you to get in touch
- Don’t visit places that the two of you used to hang out at least until you have completely moved on
- Throw out his stuff from your house if he doesn’t want to come for them. Clean up your space and Get rid of everything that will remind you of them
- Happiness comes from within so strive to make yourself happy
- Hang out with your friends as much as you can
- Go for that solo vacation or spa-cation and treat yourself
- Share your sadness with your friend, makes you feel less burdened
Ending a relationship especially one that you have been for a long time can be very hard and painful. You will need to really have a strong support system with you. Be surrounded by people who encourage you that all will be well and keep you on track so that you don’t run back to your ex or fall into depression.
The ultimate decision though remains with you. Only you know the extent of your relationship so make a long-lasting decision. Once a relationship is toxic there is no amount of working o it that can make it good and healthy, the only best decision is to walk away.
Daisy Chepkoech is a Freelance Blog Writer, Social Media Manager and Trainer. She is also the Marketing Director at Dake Business Solutions. Daisy holds a Bachelor’s degree in Communication and Media Technology from Maseno University.