How to date as a single mum
As a single man, your point of focus is usually your kids and how to provide for them. I found dating as single mum very challenging as time was ever so limited because I had to balance between a career, my daughter, demanding financial needs, parenting and trying to keep us a social life.
I give it up to single mums, they are the most hardworking lot of women have come across. I was a single mum for about 3 years and I tell you, this was the time I learnt the most life hacks.
I learnt to make sound financial decisions and I learnt how to do solo parenting because I had a very inactive co-parent. You learn to grow up so fast and be wise in every decision. All that notwithstanding I still found the time to date and I had a very active social life. I would hang out with friends every weekend, go for dates after work and even managed a stable relationship that led to marriage.
As a mom, you are not only looking for a man for yourself but a potential dad as well should the relationship lead to the altar. So you really need to be mindful of your kid’s emotional needs.
I believe love is a beautiful thing and every person deserves to be loved and to love. So before I share the tips let me start with what and who to avoid when you are looking to date
Avoid men who view single mums as desperate and financially needy. These are the men who will treat you as if they are your angels sent to save you; they will make you feel less worthy and leave your ego and esteem shattered. They will make you feel as though they are doing you a favor by dating you. Flee from such men my sister, flee. Be with a man who views you as a woman and not as a single mum.
Beware of men who claim to be father figures on the first date. I can bet you that they know nothing about being a parent. Such men just want to impress you. They should first impress you by being a boyfriend before being a father to your kids.
Avoid timewasters. Men who do not know what they want in life cannot add any value to your life. They will drag you into their clattered messy life and waste your time and resources. Another breed of time wasters are men who are not certain on whether to date you or friend zone you so they just keep you around guessing what you are to them.
Avoid immature men. Men who are emotionally immature need a lot of growing to do. They cannot make good boyfriends and they certainly cannot make step dads either. You need to focus on the emotional wellbeing of your kids and not a grown man.
Avoid unambitious men. I believe a man needs to have figured his life out before he starts dating. He does not necessarily need to be earning well but he must be seeing the big picture and working towards it. In short look for a man who has put acts together.
Now that you know the kind of men to avoid, let me share a few tips on dating when you are a single mum
Work on your mindset
Attitude is everything even in dating. What you believe is what you will get so if you think that you cannot attract a good man then that is what you will get. Asses your beliefs on dating as a single mum, and dating in general.
Embrace your past
Be at peace with your past heartaches and resolve any negative feelings and thoughts that you have been holding on to. Avoid carrying any baggage to your dates and by all means, leave the X-factor where it belongs; the past.
No one wants to go on date with a woman who talks negatively about their ex or who rants about her ex in every conversation they have.
I know it’s been so long since you were out there but that is no reason to dampen your confidence. Dress up, put on your make up and stay confident. Confidence in a woman is such a turn on for most men.
Bring out your confidence in the way you walk, dress, talk and the way you express yourself. Any man intimated by your confidence is not worth your time
Be straightforward and honest about your status
From the first date make it known that you are a mother. Do not hide it for fear of the man running away and if he does then that was not a man worth your time.
Create time for dates
I know you already have a routine and probably you have a lot on your plate but dating requires time. Time that you have consciously created. It could be once a week or as your schedule allows. You do not want to be the partner who is always unavailable
Keep your kids out of your dating scene
Until a relationship is very stable and you are certain that it’s leading somewhere, please keep your kids out of the picture. Do not bring your date home and do not tag your kid along to your dates and if you must let them be known just as mummy’s friend and let the two of you only act as friends before them.
You probably know that the date isn’t going to lead anywhere but since you are already there looking so pretty just enjoy it. Do not wear the disappointed look, who knows what else might come out of it. He might end up being a good friend, a client or even a business partner. I mean, not every date must lead to anything. So enjoy the meal, try and enjoy the conversation and the ambience.
It takes a couple of failed dates to get to the one. I wish we could just skip to the relationship part, but hey, dating can be a risky affair.
Daisy Chepkoech is a Freelance Blog Writer, Social Media Manager and Trainer. She is also the Marketing Director at Dake Business Solutions. Daisy holds a Bachelor’s degree in Communication and Media Technology from Maseno University.